Amanda Kloots is opening up about her grief following the death of her husband, Nick Cordero.
On her Instagram Stories Thursday night, Kloots first shared a letter she wrote to her and Cordero’s 1-year-old son, Elvis, to explain “everything that happened” with his father, which read in part: “I miss him so much. I miss his voice, hugs, kisses, smile, silliness. I wish quarantine would have been the three of us together every day. We must look for the silver linings in life, son.
“Life is never perfect, things happen we’ll never understand. Look for lessons, keep moving find the beauty, love mommy,” it concluded.
Kloots then went on to talk about grief. “You know, it’s so funny because grief is such a weird thing,” she says. “I’ve talked about everything else about this process, and so it feels oddly wrong not to talk and acknowledge about grief.”
Amanda Kloots and Nick Cordero attend the Beyond Yoga x Amanda Kloots Collaboration Launch Event on August 27, 2019, in New York City. (Photo by Noam Galai/Getty Images for Beyond Yoga)
(Noam Galai/Getty Images for Beyond Yoga)
She noted that when it comes to grieving and “going through something like this” as you go about your day, you ask, “‘Am I allowing myself to grieve? Am I allowing myself to acknowledge what’s happened and … what these last three months of my life has been?'”
“I just start to question myself about everything that I’m experiencing right now and how my day-to-day is,” she said.
Kloots said that she’s still currently “dealing with so much” and said that her grief doesn’t hit her until she’s going to sleep.
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“‘… Am I also acknowledging everything that has happened and acknowledging my sadness?” she asked. “It oftentimes doesn’t hit me until night when I’m going to sleep. I don’t think there is a right answer to grief or how someone grieves or the process… It’s different for everybody.”
For Kloots, she said that “it’s tough for sure” especially for a “type A” person like herself who “wants to keep pressing on,” explaining that work and doing various things help her get through.
Still, at the same time, a teary-eyed Kloots said that “it’s so hard.”
“And when it does hit you, it’s so hard. But I know it’s going to get easier every day,” she noted.
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Kloots also shared that she recently had a “wonderful phone conversation” with Cordero’s doctor and called the experience “kind of a beautiful closure.”
She concluded: “I just wanted to share because I think grief is important to talk about, especially at a time right now where a lot of people are suffering from loss from this virus.”
The Tony-nominated Broadway actor was hospitalized with the coronavirus in March, leading to a lengthy health battle that saw him face a myriad of complications that included a temporary pacemaker and the amputation of his leg.
“God has another angel in heaven now. My darling husband passed away this morning. He was surrounded in love by his family, singing and praying as he gently left this earth,” Kloots shared on Instagram announcing her husband’s death. “I am in disbelief and hurting everywhere. My heart is broken as I cannot imagine our lives without him. Nick was such a bright light. He was everyone’s friend, loved to listen, help and especially talk. He was an incredible actor and musician. He loved his family and loved being a father and husband. Elvis and I will miss him in everything we do, everyday.”
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During Cordero’s hospitalization, Kloots sent him daily videos of her and Elvis, so he could see them if he woke up, and urged friends and fans to join a daily sing-a-long.
Fox News’ Tyler McCarthy contributed to this report