I’m no TV columnist, whose job is to rate any television show. Now that we’ve established that, and I’m probably next in line for impeachment, I therefore will talk about Oprah Winfrey’s Sunday show.
First, His ex-Royal Highness Prince Empty wouldn’t know his crest from a hole on the ground. His socks were as short as his smarts. When he crossed his leg, the skin showed. Even unemployed peasants know that’s a no-no.
Me Me Meghan did not need to hit Google — as she claimed — to learn discipline and manners and Palace 101. When you sign on to take a job, you are responsible for its ethics and ethos. You learn how it works. You are responsible for its ways and means — hours, duties, wardrobe, attitude, culture. That’s before you decide you’ll change their rigid ways.
Where was Prince Empty? He was so busy? Certainly not sorting out his sock drawer. He should’ve gotten her a palace tutor. Learn the ways of this new job. How you carry your purse, how you handle Her Majesty, how you stand, sit, converse, what are your duties, the no-nos and yes-yeses. She knew enough to get a hairdresser for this sit-down. She knew enough to get two side hairs to flop down her face, which she kept schlepping back so they didn’t impede the open mouth.
When you get cast in an acting role, you study it, memorize, practice. She came onto this royal set an egotistical ambitious amateur? She could’ve memorized the rules. Learn to play with the cast. The only throne she can sit on is the one in her own loo. She got what she wanted. Fame, money, TV, career, a temporary title, wife of Prince Empty, a baby. She looked well, walked well, dressed well, plotted well — she just didn’t get to be the leading lady. She didn’t get to be the empress. She had ego, not smarts. She blew the audition.
Spotlight will dim
Me Me Meghan wanted to play leading lady. Tough. The scene’s been set hundreds of years before she met her hairdresser. She was a supporting role.
Not headlining the marquee. Listen, another 20 minutes and Netflix now films her life. That kid, Anya Taylor-Joy, who plays the chess wizard smash might play her. Or maybe Jennifer Lawrence.
She and Prince Empty now mingle with celebrities. But, down the line, the next young generation won’t care a fig. Ask Fergie, who was married for an hour to that other HRH — dumped the castle and him — and has been known to scratch for money and invitations. I even remember meeting a bitter and sad Duchess of York.
Me Me Meghan blew off her sister-in-law, brother-in-law, Her Majesty, Prince Philip, a whole country, her father, best friend, and the press. Her makeup’s good, wardrobe good, she walks and talks good — she only needs to lose the hairdresser. The good news is she’s got Prince Empty.
Remember Diana’s famous “We were three people in this marriage.” Well, now there’s nobody in this one.
Prince Empty’s future employment is bleak. He can fly a helicopter? Another 20 minutes, and even his wife will replace him with a drone.
Should have taken the hint
Kate Middleton didn’t like you? Too effing bad. She already got the job. Love her, don’t love her, who cares? The point is she was smart. She has a close tight circle. She plays the game. Knows the rules. Leading ladies like Kate don’t always appreciate secondary cast members who look to overtake them. When you had a role in an acting scene, not everyone mistook you for the star with her name above the title. You were second. Above an extra — but second. A cast member.
It was be on time. Know your lines. Fit into the wardrobe. Stay out of the close-up.T
his one didn’t. There’s lots of baggage behind this female. Her various parts have been Out There. She’s no walk in the park.
NYPD Police Academy. A recruit was asked what he’d do if he had to arrest his mother. And the new recruit answered: “I’d have to call for backup.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.