“Bill and Melinda Gates yesterday announced that they have decided to part ways after 27 years of marriage. They got the 27-year itch, I guess.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Apparently, it was an accumulation of lots of little things, like how Bill would never empty the recycling.” — SETH MEYERS
“They’ve already agreed to a custody arrangement. Bill gets to spend time with their money on Tuesday nights and every other weekend, and Melinda gets the rest.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“You know Melinda Gates is thinking, ‘Finally I can use a MacBook!’” — JIMMY FALLON
“I think they both deserve their privacy, but if ABC wants to make Bill the next ‘Bachelor,’ I’m all in.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Remember what they say — when God closes a door, he opens a Windows 95.” — JIMMY FALLON
“You know, these two, they have a combined estimated worth of at least $134 billion. When you’re that rich, why do you even need to get divorced? Can’t they just live in separate wings?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“But poor Bill Gates. He’s been sleeping in his jet. It’s very sad.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
In honor of a recent Twitter exchange between “The Daily Show” and Ted Cruz, the show does a deep dive on the Texas senator.